Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my being single is dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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