my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
