remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
