You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
