We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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