Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
