I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
