True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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