I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
