no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
