I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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