Soap is not a condiment
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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