Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
