I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
