Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
