went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
