Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
