people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
