I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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