you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
