Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
