I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
