winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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