either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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