ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
