why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
