I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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