Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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