Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
