I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
