...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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