GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
