hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
