My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
