I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
