I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
