I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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