i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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