I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
