i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
