exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
