Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
