God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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