She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
