Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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