eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
