You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
