You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
