apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
