I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
