i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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