He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
