The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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