Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
