Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
