Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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