you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
